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Download 5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker PDF

By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether advised within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly smart, they carry a unique position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the paintings shape, there turns out no larger time to rejoice the immortal one-liner. during this publication, furnish Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever informed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever desire – and a complete lot extra.

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My wife asked me to buy a baby bouncer. I came back with a little fat kid in a suit. ’ Now he’s running from the force. The male penis is the lightest object on earth. Just a thought can lift it. I was in the gym earlier and I decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead. I fell in love with my girlfriend at second sight… At first sight I didn’t see that she owned an Audi R8. Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense. My wife says I blame other people too easily and never take responsibility for my own actions.

My wife said I’m a useless lazy slob and she deserves much better. m. ’ No shit. I sometimes use phrases that I don’t understand, and vice versa. Don’t talk to me about lie detectors. I married one. Exercise bikes get you nowhere. What a pregnant teen thinks: my mum is gonna kill me. What the foetus thinks: my mum is gonna kill me. Golden shower? I’m in if urine. Studies have shown that smoking cannabis causes short-term memory loss… Next they’ll be saying that smoking cannabis causes short-term memory loss.

Hold down the shift key. 3. Hit the ‘3’ key four times. For just £10 a month you can reduce your annual salary by £120. ’ I played poker last night with an origami expert. Waste of time – he kept folding. What have the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic got in common? Icy dead people. Period pain is for pussies. I’ve got gay friends but I’d never let one in my inner circle. Avalanche: what Italians do every day at about half past twelve. Just had an awkward time with a prostitute who expected me to take her on a date.

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